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Archive for the ‘Sex and sexuality’ Category

Found: The Secret Conservative Personal Ads You Were Never Supposed To See!

    I ran across this highly secretive Conservative Personals service on the internet the other day.   (For the real story behind the personal ads, click the pics.)

The Personals Service for lonely conservatives.  Our motto: “A woman should be religiously right in public, and a naughty liberal in the bedroom.”

 
Conservative Married White Male (CMWM) Seeking Female Friends With Benefits 
 Me: US Congressman, hypocrite, against gays in the military and a woman’s right to choose.
 You: Submissive, discreet, not very knowledgeable about politics, and giving ($2,000 maximum at present, though I’m trying to get that changed).

I like walks at night, telling others how to live their lives and mountain biking.  I’m active in my church and put God first in my life, so Sunday nooners are out, but any other day is okay.

Call me. If a woman answers, hang up and try again later.

 

  

 I’m recently divorced and am not looking for a long-term relationship – by the hour is preferred. Amateurs need not apply. Rate is negotiable, but as a wealthy conservative, I tend to be a bit tight (hope you are too. Ha ha!) .

We can meet at room #5 at Doug’s Motel. Please be sure you are not followed, as I have an active dislike for private detectives.

On a side note, I am entertaining offers for the exclusive rights to a sex tape with a man, who no one can prove conclusively is me, and a hooker.

Closet Case Conservative Seeking Dirty Dirty Hookups With Random Men

 As a former Senator, I’m on the road a lot for speaking engagements at family values conferences. Therefore, I don’t have a lot of time for romance, but a man has needs.

If you are “large” and in charge, let’s meet in the third stall of the men’s room in the Minneapolis-St. Paul International Airport. You’ll know it’s me by my wide stance.

Please do not tell me your name – or even speak – let‘s just get to business. And I AM NOT GAY!

  

Flip Flopping Conservative Political Consultant Seeks Intimate Friendship

  I’m looking for a sole mate, and it’s all about the toes ladies.  Big toes, little toes, black toes, white toes – I’ll suck ‘em all.  My lady must enjoy playing footsie, going barefoot and receiving long languorous, albeit moist, pedicures.

 I’ve paid big money for major toe action in the past, and don’t mind paying again.  I can afford it, you see, as I will work for literally anyone who is willing to foot my bill. As your man, I can be well-heeled and I will keep instep with your every desire.   Give me a chance; just let me get my foot in the door.

Give me a foot, ladies, and I’ll take you a mile!

  

Ultra-Conservative Politico Seeks Loving, Intimate Relationship (Species is NO object)

 I don’t love with my eyes, rather with my heart.  That’s why I’m willing to give anyone a chance – woman, mule, watermelon, it just don’t matter.  (But queers is out of the question.  God hates the gays.)  In fact, as I am vehemently opposed to abortion, I actually prefer intimate relations with species for which there is absolutely no chance of pregnancy.

People ask me, “How can you have a serious relationship with a mule?”  To which I respond, “You didn’t grow up on a farm in Georgia, did you?”  The heart wants what the heart wants. What can I say? Hopefully you will say “Yes!”

Delaware Tea Party people – No more teabagging for you

September 15, 2010 Leave a comment

Well, I guess you can not say that the Christine O’Donnell campaign is full of stupid wankers.

Before a match Get Smashed

September 6, 2010 3 comments
Wayne Rooney

Wayne Rooney relaxing after a match

The Wayne Rooney lawyers have been sniffing around in an attempt to cover up a story that while his wife was pregnant he was paying a prostitute £1200 a night for a bit of extra marital excitement.

What makes this wrong is not the dirty deed itself. That to me is of no real interest. Yet again it is the hypocrisy of the rich and famous. Rooney not only makes money from his football skills, he makes fortunes from his image as a “family man”.

He is a role model to millions. People pay fortunes to see him play football. He has sponsorship contracts built around his image as a family man. At Old Trafford he proudly parades his son Kai on that hallowed pitch. He has a wonderful wife. If he wasn’t a footballer, as an ugly little spud, he would never have met someone as nice looking as Coleen Rooney. He is an ugly spud who should has displayed a great disrespect for his wife and family.

Despite all he has going for him, he acts like a drunken teenager in the Amsterdam red light district.

That football talent has given him a life worth celebrating. He has an immense talent that he sadly failed to show any of while in South Africa. The Mail is speculating whether this because while football fans were paying to see him use his talents on the pitch, he was paying to use his other talent in the England hotel.

Of course, men going off to see prostitutes is not uncommon. He however is paid to be a role model. People look up to him. He also has a family to care for and a wife who he has betrayed.

Rooney is of the celebrity generation that allows people like him to think that they are above the law and above the rules of common decency that ordinary mortals have to live by.

The mortals that pay big bucks to see him play for his club and for England.

Instead of being a role model and a great footballer he acts like a desperate man who has to pay for sex. He needs to snap out of it, unless he wants to become another ex-footballer more famous for the hi and lo jinks than the high goal scores.

Cough, Banker, Cough

August 29, 2010 2 comments

Stewart Jackson - stupid banker

Stewart Jackson is the Idiot MP for Peterborough. According to the Telegraph, he claimed more than £66,000 for his family home, including hundreds of pounds on refurbishing his swimming pool.

He owns a large house in Peterborough as well as his old home in Ealing. The taxpayers are paying for his home in Peterborough.

Despite claiming his Peterborough home as his second home so he could get the taxpayer to pay for it, his website (which was also taxpayer-funded) claims

they live in Central Peterborough with their daughter Isabel. He helped small companies with their Human Resource/Personnel issues and is a specialist advisor in the “Investors in People” quality standard.

His method of thanking the constituents that paid for this largess, to call them a bunch of whingers and moaners.

Those whingers and moaners re-elected him, they are a forgiving bunch in Peterborough. So now he is sitting pretty on taxpayer largesse, he is forging a career on the back-benches as an idiot rent-a-quote MP.

On learning that STD’s were on the increase Jackson twitted on twitter:-

“Very disappointing news on STD [sexually trasmitted disease] rates in Peterborough. No doubt our liberal friends will tell us we need more sex education – as it’s worked so well!”

Well abstinence only education worked so well for its key proponent in America.

To stir the hornet’s nest some more (as well as gain some more publicity) Jackson added “Touched a raw nerve with shrill intolerant pro-sex education lefties who don’t like debating the issues. Wonder why not?”

That’s bad enough, but he then adds:-

“sad, tedious sex-obsessed leftie weirdos” who were “unable to debate issues without personal abuse and vicious shrill denunciation”.

What seems odd about this is that the BBC is reporting that Jackson is creating this fuss while he is on holiday; so poor old Stewart must be extremely bored given that he wants to stoke up a war of words from his holiday hotel room.

Some facts for Mr Jackson to ponder while he is on the beach. England has a very poor sex education record and as a consequence one of the highest rates of teen pregnancy and youth STDs in the developed World.

Before he debates anyone on the subject, I’d suggest he starts to read up in the basics first. Starting with a comparison of how other Countries deal with sex education.

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